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What is your
favorite golf joke? I'm confident that
our other WGC Members would love to hear
them.
»
SUBMIT A JOKE
Please enjoy the jokes submitted by
other members below. Again, please feel free to share
joke of your own...
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The
Golf Lesson... |
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Somersaulting pooch -
Submitted by: w. phipps |
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Mike
and sam decided to get together one morning and play a round of golf.
sam brought along his little white poodle. when sam sank a twelve foot
putt on the par 5 #1, the little white poodle stood on his hind legs
and began to dance and jump and bark. mike told sam "that's great,
what does he do when you miss the putt?" sam said "he does
somersaults." when mike asked how many, sam replied "depends on how
hard i kick him." |
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Lost
Ball - Submitted by: Kelly Matheson |
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Two
buddies meet for an early morning round and one notices the other's
ball. He says, "hey, I've never seen a ball like that before." The
other guy replies, "oh yeah, this is the best ball I've ever played
with. I can lose this ball no matter how bad my game is." "What do you
mean?," the other replies. "Well, when I hit into the lake, it's got
little flippers that swim it to the top and to the shore. Then it's
got little feet that push it to a good lie." "Wow, that's amazing says
the other. What happens if it goes in the woods?" "It as a beeper that
continues until I pick the ball up." "That's amazing," said the other.
"Where did you get it?" "I found it?" |
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"Room for a fourth?" -
Submitted by: Steve Keenan |
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One
afteroon there was this threesome went to the starter shack to check
in. The starter asked if they minded if this nice young lady could
join them. A little reluctant at first they said sure and boy were
they glad they did. She was one of the most beautiful wowmen on earth
(and single) but not very good at golf.
6 1/2 hours later the foursome had the time of their lives regardless
on how long this round took them. the young lady announced on the last
hole if one of you guys could give me the right line to make this putt
I will go on a date with you tonight.
The first guy says two balls to the left, No good
The second guy says One ball to the right, No good
The third guy laughs and says "its a gimmie lets go" |
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Long
Iron... |
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Golfer and parachute
jumper - Submitted by: Hamdan Sulaiman |
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What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad parachute jumper?
One sounds "whack...then shit!" the other is "Shit...followed by
whack!" |
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Dead caddy -
Submitted by: Sam Moore |
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A man
tees off on the 9th hole one day and lands his tee shot behind a barn
on the side of the fairway. When he gets there with his caddy, he sees
the barn is directly between the golfer and his caddy and the hole. He
gets mad because he's in the middle of the best round of his life.
Then his caddy suggests opening the doors of the barn on either side
and hitting the ball through them. "Just don't hit the rafters" his
caddy says. So the man takes his club and hits the ball off the
rafters. It ricochets and hits his caddy on the head, killing him
instantly. 7 years later, the same man visits the same course. On the
same hole, he lands exactly the same shot behind the exact same barn.
His new caddy suggests opening the doors and hitting the ball through
as before. "What? Are you crazy?" the man replies. "7 years ago, I
attempted the exact same shot and it took me eight strokes to reach
the green! |
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Movable
Obstruction |
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She Hit Me!!! -
Submitted by: Ronnie Miller |
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A man
staggers into the pro shop clutching his throat. The guy running the
pro shop asks what happened. The man replies:
You know how number 18 runs along side a cow pasture? Well, I slice my
tee shot out into the pasture and went looking for ball. After several
minutes of not finding my ball, I saw a cow standing there. I figured
what the heck, so I lifted up the cow's tail and sure enough there's a
ball stuck in the cow's butt. The only problem is the ball is a Maxfli
and I playing a Topflite.
I looked around and there was a woman looking around for her ball,
too, so I lifted up the cow's tail and said "Hey Lady, does this look
like yours?" and she hit me in the throat with a 9 iron. |
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Lost
Ball... |
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Nuns Playing Golf -
Submitted by: Doug B. |
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A man
goes to the golf course and gets put into a foursome with three nuns.
They play three holes without a problem. On the fourth hole, the man
hits his ball into the rough and begins a tyrade of verbal
obscenities. One of the nuns says, "Sir, we nuns don't approve of
swearing." The man apologizes and they carry on playing.
A few holes later, one of the nuns hits a ball which hits a tree and
careens into the bush and she begins a verbal tyrade of her own. The
man confronts her and asks, "Why is it wrong for me to swear when I
hit a bad shot, but for you it's ok?" She replies, "Because your ball
didn't hit a fucking tree!" |
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Wife's Golf Clubs -
Submitted by: Jim Irlam |
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A
married couple are in bed and the wife says to the husband "would you
re-marry if I died." The husband replied "I guess, the kids would need
a mother and I might be lonely."
The wife said "would you give her my car?" The husband said "well,
your dead, you don't need it."
The wife said "would you give her my jewelry?" The husband said "I
guess, unless you want to be buried with them!"
The wife said "would you give her my golf club's?" The husband said
"no, she not right handed!!!" |
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True story - Submitted
by: Nigel Strutt |
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Lee
Trevino was facing a very difficult putt - downhill, across a slope.
He asked his caddy what he thought.
"Keep it low" was the reply.
Another Trevino story.
Christopher Columbus went round the world in 1492. Not bad considering
the course! |
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Long
Putt... |
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The
Announcement |
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It
was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot
routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the
clubhouse loudspeaker - "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please
back up to the men's tee, please!" Mike was still deep in his routine,
seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement -
"Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!" Mike
had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse
kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!" |
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Gone
with the Wind |
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"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was
hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see
where the ball went." "But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!"
admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But
he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy
pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack
swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do
you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?"
yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forget."
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Extra Holes |
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After an enjoyable eighteen hole of golf, a man stopped in a bar for a
beer before heading home. There he struck up a conversation with a
ravishing young beauty. They had a couple of drinks, liked each other,
and soon she invited him over to her apartment. For two hours they
made mad, passionate love. On the way home, the the man's conscience
started bothering him something awful. He loved his wife and didn't
want this unplanned indiscretion to ruin their relationship, so he
decided the only thing to do was come clean. "Honey," he said when he
got home, "I have a confession to make. After I played golf today, I
stopped by the bar for a beer, met a beautiful woman, went back to her
apartment and made love to her for two hours. I'm sorry, it won't ever
happen again, and I hope you'll forgive me." His wife scowled at him
and said, "Don't lie to me, you sorry scumbag! You played thirty-six
holes, didn't you?" |
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Anger
Management... |
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The Accident |
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Jack
was first up in his foursome. Eyeing the ball, he swung his club and
hooked his shot over the fence and down a road where the ball crashed
through the windshield of an oncoming car. The startled driver lost
control of his vehicle, and it spun into a parking lot and bounced off
three cars. Jack raced over to the crash scene and was relieved to
find that no one was hurt. Almost immediately a policeman arrived and
spotted Jack standing next to the crashed car eyeing his ball. "Just
what are you going to do about this?" demanded the policeman. Jack
looked up. "Well, the first thing I'm going to do is change my grip." |
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The
Worst Caddie |
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A
friend of ours was playing in a tournament in Florida last fall. For
eighteen holes, his caddy had been cackling and snickering after every
shot that he took. Fed up with the not-so-subtle criticism, he finally
threw his putter at the caddy and snapped, "You must be the worst
caddy in the world." The caddy grinned, "That, sir, would be too great
of a coincidence." |
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Break... |
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Guys
and Dolls |
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A man and wife were
playing in their club's annual "Guys and Dolls" tournament. The man
was not happy about having to play, but his wife had insisted. On the
12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted
time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from
the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his
wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital
the doctor came to talk to the husband. "Mr. Davies, we found a golf
ball lodged 3 inches into your wife's brain, which was the the cause
of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us."
"What is it?" asked Mr. Davies. "Well," said the doctor, "we also
found a golf ball lodged 6 inches into her anal cavity." The husband
dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was just my
Mulligan!"
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The Lesson |
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A
golfer named Joe was paired with one of the club’s good players,
and he was anxious to get some free advice. Hitting first, he
swung awkwardly and topped his drive. "Do you see anything I can
correct?" he asked. "I see you’re standing too close to the ball,"
the other remarked. "After you hit it." |
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The Best Caddie |
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Scott was staying
in a tiny hotel on a small Caribbean island and decided to play
a round of golf at the local club course. He was assigned a
caddy who carried the bag over one shoulder and a gun over the
other. Scott, a little unsettled by seeing the rifle, hooked his
first tee shot into the rough. When he went to take his second
shot, an alligator charged him, but quick as a flash, the caddy
shot the animal dead in his tracks. On the second Tee, Scott
again drove into the rough, where another alligator darted out
to attack him. Once again, the caddy shot in the nick of time.
On the third hole, Scott's iron shot from the fairway rolled
into some mud right next to a sleeping alligator. Scott looked
expectantly at his caddy, who made no move to unshoulder the
rifle. "Aren't you going to take care of the alligator?" asked
Scott. The caddy shook his head, "No extra shots on a par 3." |
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The Magic Frog |
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A man takes the
day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second
hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9
Iron. "The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he
hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says
to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take
the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?"
the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to
say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf
in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog
replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy
says, "OK frog, nowwhat?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think
I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf
game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes
sliding back across the table.The man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says,
"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this
money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss
Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him,
he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous
15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended
up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William
Jefferson Clinton." The origination of this letter is unknown,
but it brings |
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